Before I Go to Sleep

I used to search for fake "foods" in the night before I go to sleep for baby polar bear (me) and mother polar bear (my mom)
I used to ask my mom to read a story about A Little Mermaid by Hans Christian Anderson, the one with tragic ending, not a happy ending like Disney
I used to cry to sleep when I thought about my parents if I've already in my middle ages. They won't be here to accompany me anyomore, right? 40 years the difference. When I'm 60, they're like what... 100?
I used to hold my mom's hand when I can't sleep
I used to open the curtain and see the outside view in the night

I used to be a naive girl.. I used to believe that I live in a perfect happy world..
But it's all "used to".. I grow up, circumstances change.. in no time I know.. it's all just a lie they were trying to hide from me. Everybody is just trying to create an image of a happy life for me. My brother said that he regretted I should ever found out about this. What I see is different from the real one..

But in a small place in my heart, I know... that being naive is better.. but...

...just like my physics teacher said yesterday, we can't go back even to a second that just pass..